8 life saving tips for every Groom in India!

 Tip 1. Sleep Man- I agree you are getting married for the first time and it’s your last day of bachelorhood, but try to get some sleep before the D- day. Chances are you might dose off in the car or might end up looking like a zombie in your wedding album. Your kids may disown you if they discover your wedding photographs.

Tip 2. Say no to water- It’s good to drink water to keep you hydrated, to lose toxins and all the goodness it brings along. But hey! You can do this for the rest of your life. Spare your wedding day. Too much of water intake can drown with frequent loo breaks and the consequential embarrassments . You may even be required to control your overflowing emotions till you get a breathing space in that hectic schedule.  Don’t do that.

Tip 3. Play safe: This is not the time to experiment with your hair. Carry a safe, tried and tested hair cut for the wedding. Go for a haircut at least 2 weeks before the wedding day; doing so will help you grow back your natural form. Saving you from a bad hair day!

Tip 4. Hold on: if you are a South Indian and not used to wearing Dhoti, you need a belt. And if you are wearing a silky Dhoti, then God help you. Imagine doing the customary circles and  holding your dhoti instead of  bride's hand. Worst, what if it falls down. Don’t be a overnight Youtube sensation.

Tip 5. Don’t be flashy:  I agree you are a man of class and love to wear underwear with those polka dot designs, rainbow shades, Mickey mouse imprints on it Awesome.. But try to avoid it if you are wearing a see- through Dhoti. A lighter shaded underwear , preferably white can save your ass. 

Tip 6. Don’t stare: Chances are you will not recognize all the people on stage. The one who come to congratulate you and grin heartily during group photo sessions. Please don’t stare at them. They are just your relatives.

Tip 7. Have control: There’s this real hot chick on stage, coming to you with a sensuous smile and luring handshake. A normal you will never leave such a golden chance in vain. But remember it’s your wedding and most importantly she can be your wife’s friend.  Be in control.

Tip 8. Stay fit: Like it or not you have to be fit on your wedding. Indian weddings are all about touching feet and taking blessings from elders.  Do sit ups, pull ups, stretching exercises, even push –ups. Just do it. It won’t look nice if you catch a cramp in the middle of whole revelry. Your wife can have doubt on your capabilities too.

Pati Patni aur Gas Cylinder!

“So what does the groom do”?

 “Oh he is an MBA. That’s good but then does he have a Gas Connection”?

 In South India if a bride is gauged by the length of her hair and fairness, the groom is weighed by his salary and Gas connection. And in the wake of frightening scarcity of gas cylinders around, there’s little to sympathize with the grooms of this country. 

It’s a ritual in our community to kick start the wedding invitation process with the in-laws. The first invitation is handed over to the bride’s family invoking their auspicious presence and blessing. It's not an elaborate affair though. This is also the time when the father- in- law comes in for an intimate chat with the groom asking his secret wish to be fulfilled. 

Statistics point that erstwhile grooms have made it a point to look no less than the best South Indian heroes on this special occasion to impress their in-laws. 

Who am I to beat history? 

As expected the invitation card was handed over by my father to his peer and the entire gathering broke into a revelry mode, except two individuals.

My mother and mother in law!

My mother and my mother- in- law were in trance and shed tears and holding each other’s palms as though signing a partnership agreement. No one knew why they were doing so, or for that matter the need for such an emotional drama in a happy occasion like that. I didn’t bother to think what could have been in their minds, since I had better things to focus on.

A sumptuous spread welcomed us in full glory followed by some candid photo session steered by cousins. In between I exchanged fleeting glances and some on air romance with my bride.

How far is your office from home?

My father in law popped in with this question blocking our stealthy glances

15 Kilometers, I replied

What?

 15 kilometers seemed a not so happy answer to him. He shifted his glance to the ceiling and stared there for next 30 seconds. I wondered whether he was envisioning his daughter running 15 kilometers with a lunch box in wedding attire on a scorching afternoon for her husband. 

How do you travel? 

Bike, I promptly replied. 

All of a sudden I had feeling whether he was planning to buy me a car or some kind of transportation. I have heard father- in- laws doing such appraisal talks before wedding. I couldn’t help crossing my fingers. 

Do you have a Gas Connection?

What?

Let me tell you that life is all about surprises. Most of them unfortunately weird and unsolicited. 

The next twenty some minutes were dedicated to understanding the significance of having a gas connection and trust worthy gas agent in a fruitful married life. “Gas cylinders are directly proportional to every married man’s peace of mind. The fuller it is the higher remains the domestic harmony level. The moment it runs out empty, you will see the man of the house running devastated”

So my son, make sure you have your cylinders in place. Manassilayo? Blurted my father in law.

That was a quite a piece of talk. Full of Gas.

On my way back I was reminded of a very important lesson, the one I had left behind in 6^th Standard.

Life is all about matters. Solid liquid and Gas. Never underestimate or ignore any of them.

At least if you want to be happily married.